Spice of LIFE

TERENCE

2006-06-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ive got this new man in my life after Nabeel..It took me a year plus to move on after Nabeel..No doubt the previous relationship mean so much to me but the ordeal is just as great... Terence is a nice and simple man..I like him alot but somehw i can bring myself to make the first move initially.... To make matter worst, he is my manager-- my deputy manager...I dnt wanna people to think I am sucking up to him cos he is my superior...The whole story is long to explain but yet the things happened between Terence and me is just too fast...When it started (the feeling) is unknown...Beats me...

Those times with him was short and sweet that is hw i describe our relationship...and of course love is not aways a bed of roses..we do have our bad days too....and...Nw we are over...see its short..we started on the 18th of april this is our second break up... I havent fallen in love with him as yet but the dnt knw why i miss him... Our so called honeymoon period were short and we dnt spent much time as a couple so often..yes we spent time seeing each other, yes but during work...well that is different.... Sometimes i miss those before we were together..he would teased me but when we are together, things are different and nw we are separated, i dnt knw hw i should behave upon seeing him... If u asked me hw is my feeling nw...i will say, disappointed...did i shed any tears...well yes..but i can controlled as this relationship hasnt taken its form as yet...

I dnt regret being with him but i regretted nt able to understand him fully before being with him... but he has to do the same too...talking abt this, Terence is just too simple-minded in love..

Purpose of me in writing this, is to suppress this feeling...i dnt knw knw to whom i should tell...No one knw we are over nw...

Only God, Terence and me....

This Shall the Last of HIM in my life

2006-06-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

I never ever love a man so much in my life till I met him.. For him, ive changed..for good or worst, i am nt certain for what i knew then is that I love him dearly... My love for him is akin to blood to the body..he is my blood which lives and stays in this body of mine.. May sounds exaggerating but its true....

I never felt so much love before frm any man...or boy... maybe becos Ive not much guy friends but swear he is different... He is like a phantom...in my mind and heart...

Ive gt so much to express...both the wonderful and sad things...we had together... so much... even while posting this, i shed tears as i remisnice the old times...

Now we are an individual, no longer couple...Feels sad and hurt...but its destiny.. its takes a long time for me to let him go....and for me to move on with life..though Ive move on but still, I am still not sure if ive really move on...

I may have a bf nw but the feeling i had with him is totally diff. I know i shouldnt compare as its not fair for bth party and its nt healthy in the relationship tooo but sometimes i just cant help but to do that....

Nw he is back serving his contract, in Usa...Ive totally lost touch with him esp nw my Hp spoilt. I wonder hw he is doing.....Is he well? We promised to keep in touch but till nw...... silence grew deeper.....

Ive wrote so much however this doesnt express what in the deepest heart of mine...

I cant get the happiness of being with u till old age
but i hope u get the happiness u long for.....
I cant grow old with you...but
Before I die, let me see you for the last time...

I love YOU........ but in silence.
For you I have locked in my heart...
Throw away the keys so that no one can steal it....
For time shall bury our memories with my time is up.....

QUARELL

2004-09-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

THIS TIME JAAN CAME TO SINGAPORE BUT HE DOESNT STEP TO SHORE COS HE COULDNT AND DUE TO MY WORKING HOURS...DURING THIS PERIOD, WE QUARRELL QUITE A LOT.. WHEN HE'S IN M'SIA, HE MSGED ME LATE CZ HE HASNT TOP UP HIS M'SIAN CARD..UNDERSTANDABLE...THEN WHEN IS BACK, THE FIRST THING HE ASKED IS FOR HIS PHONE...I AM NOT ANGRY WHEN HE ASKED ME TO LOOK FIR THEM..I EVEN ASKED ALIFFA'S HELP...BUT AM SICK, AT LEST ASK ABT MY CONDITION...THAT MOMENT I FEEL AS IF HE DOESNT CARE...iKNEW HE LOVE ME BUT SOMETHING IS LACKING...i DONT KNOW WAT IT IS.. AND THEN WE SORT THINGS OUT AND NOW, WE QUARELL AGAIN...BECOS OF LAT NIE MOVIE...HAIYA...

WHATS HAPENING TO US...

Ive spent Last Nite with My Love..(03/08/04)

2004-08-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

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I had a bootyliciously wonderful time with my Jaan last nite..We spent 8 hours but it wasnt enough..I m missing him now..I dont know why but I just cant get enough of him...he's so attrctive and everything...Words can never describe how my Jaan is...He's one in a million, in fact, one man possessess the same qualities as him...

Do you know that one minute he can be serious and worried, the next minute he's soooo CUTE and the next, he'll be the sweetest man on Earth...

We meet up at Eunos Stn in the green cabin..I was wearing sumthing different from the last time we met...was wearing a blue blouse(I think so)...as usually, I put on a very thick make up and he even commented that...And God, I was embarrased...and I was shy to look at him...
As usual, he checked my phone and I checked his...He's looking good in his black Polo shirt and khakis pantz..Jaan planted a small kiss on my neck...(I know he cant wait to kiss me... c",) )We stopped at Raffles place to draw some cash out..There I gave him the gifts that I bought him...And guess what, he bought me tis exquisite brown beads n shell choker...Its so special..To him "Jaan, I love anything from you..All your gifts are special...There, We kissed and smooched..after so long, I felt good real good, when he touches me here....and there...Then we go to the Bank and draw cash out..Oh yes, janu gave me 5 sticks of chewing gums...cos, I asked him to get them...

We then decided to go to Mustafa Centre..My love has to get himself some sanitary stuff and foods...He got me facial mask,chocolates and some dried food-guave...after which,we went for a drink...Jaan ordered 2 fresh orange squeezed, mineral water and green tea for th e two of us...]

After which, we decided to catch movie and we go to P.S. We went there by cab as it is already late..Unfortunately, the ticket counters closed..For the moment, we are stucke as where to go...

Then we decided to go........We had a nice time together...His cuddles,his kisses, his.......He led me to heaven last nite...So pleasurable and ...............It happens twice...

Unfotunately, Jaan cant sleep as he had to stay awake cos he has to return to ship before 8a.m...before he left, he looked reluctant to leave me alone....I can see it in his eyes...I sensed it....I cried a while after he left ...I curled myself like a lost kitten...Why cant he stay any longer...
Really Ve had a good time together....

I love him SOOOOOOOO much...How I wish we have more time....How I wish...

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Walking in The R.A.I.N

2004-07-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

I THINK I LOSE 1 KG YESTERDAY>>>

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Yesterday, I did two silly things that is to walk back home fom City Hall to Bedok...But gladly, I wasnt alone...I was with Natalie(the transformer)..It was fun but the best part was to walk in the heavydown pour..Sexy ger, but not that sexy as I am not with Jaan..We were wet all thru' and thru'..And I meant really wet..By-passers looked at us in a different spectacles, thinking that we might be loosed in the brain...Haha, but who care !!! Along Kallang, a car drove past me and splashed a pool of water on me...Shit, I was cursing the car the whole day...It wasnt that I am not wet as it is yet he(the driver) does that unjustified act on me...Then near the Geylang..yup near the red-district area, that Nat, kicked another pool of dirty water at me..God am splashed again and tis time, dirty as well...I felt so cursed..But I managed to get back at her..hehehe..there you see, not so bad...Unlike the car..

We stoppped at Tanjong Katong Complex and bought bread and 1litre of green tea and shared..You might think I am close to Nat..Nope..Infact, she has breached my trust...this I'll tell you someday..But anyway, yesterday she leaked out Wati's secret..See, I glad I've learnt it sooner...But am very very disappointed when she does that to me. Lets get back, from there onward, my feet are too cold, wet and wobbly to walk.I thought of backing out but I preserved...In the end, I managed to walk till Bedok...am too cold and its very very uncomfortable to carry on anymore....OOOps, I took train home from there...

But it was a job well done...I think so..as let I've workout for the week and did what I planned all this while..Guess what I reached home, am really tired..I took everything off and slept with nothing....and the nite was so sweet n sexy...

Shall I continue.......

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What's going on...

2004-07-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Life really is unpredictable...One moment I feel good with Jaan, the next, I don't..& why do I say so...

He has been away for 2 weeks plus and now, he's coming back, Ive received his sms..I am happy to hear from him but his text makes me think and feel so bad..He's so suspicious of me..

I was planning to give him suprise when he return..I wanted to gave him a cake and get it delivered to his ship but as usual, I dont know how to...So I went all through the trouble finding the exact location was to where I can get the cake delivered..I surfed the net, mailed PSA, called PetroShip Pte Ltd, look out for his fave mango cake but this is what, I get...I know he loves me alot but I need some trust from him...If not, how can this love survive w/o trust and faith...Is he feel insecurity like I used to feel about him before...If only he read this, but I hope he won't but just hope he'll understand me ...

Still I LOVE MY JAAN SO MY MUCH..

Anyway, today I had a short day today..Just one Property and Facilities..had a short test and quite bad..Hehehe...I think I'll failed this test..Its really hard for me...

Back to my JAAN, I've got him a blue-metallic cigg. box and a polished money-clip..I love the cigg box as it has his name engraved on the blue plate and "MEIN HOON NAA & I LOVE YOU ALWAYS"..I can wait to give it to him...when he comes back, I wanna hug and kiss him till ......secret..

See, this what's goin on with me or him or us....
Oh God so confusing....PLEASE SHOW ME THE RIGHT WAY..

Nabeel, for U, In Silence i suffer, in Glory I bear..

First day!!!

2004-07-25T22:33:00.001-07:00

Got myself a journal...But still dont know how to use it fully...hehehe..I be asking the expert Ms Jamie...Basically, I'll be telling the world about my life n love...hehehehe but not the whole things...

k about me..m a ger...????--->of course lah, I have a steady boyfriend who is so loving and sincere about me...and he's the world best boyfriend.and world kindest man around....Yup he is ...I love him soooo much and i want to spend my whole lifetime with him...IN FACT, I WANT TO BE HIS WIFE....I dont know how much I love him...I still love him soo much and a lot but before, I use to be deeply deeply deeply so much crazy to think of him so much that I can forgo anything, work,studies and my family are secondly....and he is the priority of my life...But thank god, I manage to prioritize my life again...but still he's my life, Nabeel is the blood to my life...

I miss those days when I gt to meet up with him everyday, well except Sunday...Cos he'll be with his uncle's family...Do you know, I gt jeolous when he spent his time with them...Am possesive rite and I gt angry with him for not giving me any miss calls thru'out the day....In short, I know I juz love him and maybe his my destination....

Jaan, I Love U sooooo Much....& MISS YOU..